Dear Miss Manners: Every year, my family spends a week at the beach with my in-laws. We are always so grateful that they pay for the beach house, which we cannot afford. At my in-laws’ suggestion, my son and daughter each bring a friend on the trip.
Last year, they rented a house with just enough bedrooms for two of their four children: their son and his friends shared one room, and their daughter and her friends had to sleep in the hallway. It wasn’t a big deal; they’re about the same age, so there’s no reason they should have any different needs for privacy.
My mother-in-law rented the same house for this year’s trip, so I assumed we would sleep in the hallway this time, but she expressed her intention to assign me a bedroom again this time.
She has a rather Neanderthal habit of favoring men and treating the women in her family like second-class citizens. For example, I would buy my son an expensive skateboard for his birthday, but my daughter a coloring book. This is partly generational. She is a woman who still calls flight attendants “stewardesses” and uses several other outdated terms.
Do I have a right to voice my opinion on this matter? On one hand, she is the moderator and on the other hand, it is hurting my daughter’s feelings. My son also feels uncomfortable sometimes because of the favouritism that continues.
GENTLE READER: No, you do not have the authority to assign rooms in someone else’s home, nor do you have the authority to re-educate your mother-in-law, no matter how much she needs it.
But you have the power to educate your children—in this case, by showing your son how to act in response to discomfort.
He asked his grandmother, “Would it be ok if I switched places with Lily? She was down the hall last summer and I don’t think that would be fair. Ethan and I would be happy to sleep down the hall.”
(Questions can be sent to Miss Manners’ website at www.missmanners.com, by email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrew McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
